#3 Using Your Hand as a Map

The oldest known maps are preserved on Babylonian clay tablets from about 2300 B.C. Cartography was considerably advanced in ancient Greece. Here in Michigan we have the most advanced way to know exactly where we are - no, it's not GPS technology, nor is it a Michigan map you can buy from one of the -MANY- lovely truckstops around the state. We use our fucking hands as a map.

We feel that when describing where we are, or where we are going, the best way to covey this information is by putting our right hand in someone's face and pointing to it. On top of that, you will often here things like "Oh, I live at the tip of the thumb". Whoever thought this was the most clever way to show personal location is a giant lazy fuck.

What other state in the country does this? Nobody. And do you know why? Because it makes you look like an idiot. People DO understand that Michigan looks like a glove, but you don't have to remind them of that every chance you can. Do you think people in Florida whip their dicks out when they talk about where they live? "Oh me? I live in Key Largo, right by my urethra" or "I went up north and visited Pensacola, right here where my taint is, under my balls." It's just not right.

Unfortunately I had the dishonor of having someone do this to me recently where they even took it a step further, and put their left hand above their right hand sideways to represent the upper peninsula. I now officially hate that person.

So everyone hates Michigan because we think just because our state is shaped like a glove, we have the right to make a big deal out of it. So please, the next time someone does this to you, take their hand and shove it up their ass for me.

Thanks.